Tuesday, May 25, 2010
For The Love Of A Stepmom
After the ordeal at graduation I figured I would take some time to get on my blog and talk about how hateful and ugly "it" was tonight but instead decided to do something different and that's talk about step-parents and how great they are.
I have a step-mom who has not liked me from day one and has been a wedge in the relationship that my father and I have to this very day. For some reason I feel as though she views me as a threat or maybe it's because I'm so much like my mom but I feel lucky because my step-dad is totally different. My step-dad is more like a dad to me than my real dad is most of the time. He loves me even though we don't share the same DNA, he dealt with me during my teenage rebellion years, corrected me when I was wrong, let me cry when I had my first heartbreak and has always been there for me even when my decisions weren't the best.
My daughter, Alexis, has an amazing step-mom who I thank God for each and every day. It wasn't easy at first to accept another woman in the role of mom in any manner when Erica first married Lexi's dad. I was hateful toward her and resentful but then it hit me one day: she loves my daughter, is good to my daughter and treats my daughter like she is her very own. I am blessed. She doesn't try and take my place, in fact we had an hour long conversation today about "our" daughter and what is going on with school and other things. She corrects Lexi when she is wrong, teaches her how to have manners and respect, takes an active role in her school and things that interest Lexi. Some may have a big problem with it and I did at first too but our daughter calls her mommy but when I am not there, Erica is her mommy because she chooses to be.
Now that I am a step-mom, I understand how hard that job really is. You love these children just like they are your own. You know they aren't and they know they aren't but you make no difference between them. You teach them right from wrong, you love them even when you don't agree with them, you take an active interest in their lives. you attend school functions, bake cupcakes for the entire Kindergarten because you love the kids. You aren't trying to take anyone's place and you don't ever expect to.
At times the biological parents make things more challenging than the ever have to be but you take it in stride. I wanted to react in a very major way with the things that took place tonight but in the end, I think of my sons and the love that they have for their daddy, their mother and for me and I could never do anything that would make them look at me any different.
I love my boys as much as I love the children I gave birth to and if that make others not like me I will not apologize nor will I change the fact that these precious angels are now a part of my life and I would give my own life if it meant they could keep theirs. So before you act cruddy toward the new spouse of your ex-spouse, take some time and evaluate what kind of person they are and how they treat your children rather than being worried or resentful that someone is trying to take your place because a real parent knows that won't happen and doesn't make it their mission in life.
A special thanks to my other baby's mama, Erica Odom, for doing something you are not obligated to do and that's love my daughter.
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