Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hitting A Tree Saved Our Lives

Yesterday morning started out like any other morning. JT went to work, I cleaned up the house before my daughter, Jill, woke up. Once she was awake, I had some errands to run so the two of us got dressed and headed out toward the truck. Now during the week, I never drive my Explorer. JT drives the Explorer and I drive the Dodge but not yesterday. We live in the country, part of our road is paved and the rest is gravel.

We travel down our road and cross over this low spot that runs over a creek. This part is paved. About 300 yards ahead of that it turns back into gravel. My daughter was trying to show me something and I turned for half a second. We got on the loose gravel and it started pulling my truck over to the right, over to where the creek is. I slammed brakes and pulled hard to the left, sending the passenger's side of my truck into the tree. After hitting the tree, my truck made it's way back on to the gravel road and turned sideways in the ditch on the other side of the road with my front end sticking in someones barbed wire fence.

My daughter was scared and she was bleeding, which as a mom, scared the heck out of me but I tried to stay calm. Among the things that were tossed around in my truck, I managed to find my cell phone that was now wet and had no signal. After making sure my daughter was going to be ok for me to step out into the road, I managed, after several attempts to get my iphone to work and called the ambulance. After accessing the situation over the phone, the 911 operator said help was on its way and call back if anything changed.

I was so upset I couldn't find any numbers in my cell phone except for my mom's house. JT had left his phone in the truck at his mom's house so there was no calling him. My daddy answered the phone and through tears I told him we had been in an accident, JT did not have his phone, the ambulance was on its way but I needed him to call my mom and have my mom find the number to JT's new job and call him there. Some man stopped and waited until the police officer got there.

When the ambulance arrived, 3 of the nicest men ever helped my daughter and I. They were like angels. They wanted to make sure I understood everything that was going on and that they would be taking care of Jill so I could finally stop for a minute and see if I was hurt anywhere.

It was a long ride to the hospital from way out where we live but the EMT's tried to make it as interesting as possible. We arrived and they put my daughter in the room next to mine. I was so worried she was going to freak out because we weren't in the same room. I asked the EMT's and the nurses to let her know I was right next door.

It wasn't long and JT's grandmother was walking through the door and right behind her my husband. It was such a relief to see them. JT stayed in the room with me most of the time while Granny stayed in the room with Jill. We both had xrays and CT scans done and other than some bruising and some cuts we are both ok.

After we got out of the hospital I asked JT to drive us past where the accident happened. I had to see where it happened but Jill wanted nothing to do with that spot on the side of the road.

The tree we hit actually saved our lives. On either side of the tree there is nothing except for about a 6 foot drop straight down into a creek bed. Had we been 5 seconds sooner or later, we would have dropped over the side. The tree has no bark on it where we hit it and it's not even a very big tree but it saved our lives. I will gladly take a beating from hitting that tree than the alternative.

We are both on pain meds which have made me sleepy as all get out but I am grateful.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

It's Only 195 degrees today

hot sun Pictures, Images and Photos

I love Texas. I can't ever imagine living anywhere but here but my gosh it is HOT! The summers here are always horrible but you take a hard winter, that means a HOT summer. Today my oldest daughter and I dropped off the 2 oldest boys so they can spend the week with their friends that they use to live across the street from. It's bitter sweet to give up part of my summer time but I'm not the only one in DFW who misses them when they are in Houston so I share. Jilli and I were going to hit the local pool today but they are only open Thursday-Sunday and I have an interview tomorrow which means little missy is going to be quite upset when she wakes up from her nap.

I have a job lined up but am still waiting on a start date. Lord please let it be ASAP. On a brighter note, JT started his new job today. Not sure how he likes it yet but it's the one he really wanted. I made the decision, after hitting the clearance rack at Target and then after leaving WalMart that I am giving him my debit card. Things are tight around here and I am having a problem spending so in order to keep it down, he will now control the card.

I know some of you might think I ramble because my thoughts are one place and then go somewhere different but hey, it's my blog and my chance to write so, lol.

Why is it when you just want to do right everything falls apart? I mean, I know it's the devil and his tactics to try and get us off course but I mean really? For such a long time I was very selfish in my life. I put my needs in front of everyone else and did what I wanted to do and how I wanted to do it without any regard for others. I've been through my reaping season. That was the prior 3.5 year until the beginning of this year.

Is there something wrong with wanting to be a good wife and mom? Is there something wrong with wanting to work? I'm being serious. It seems like the harder I try the more opposition I face. I won't resort back to old tactics but man. You know?

Well I am done sweating. When you live in an older mobile home it just never seems to get as cool as I would like for it to in here.

Sunday, June 13, 2010


home is where the heart is Pictures, Images and Photos

They say home is where the heart is and for us that's our little house in Ennis, Texas. Things are kind of scary right now but no one is in a panic. JT has interviews lined up next week and I feel confident God will open a door for him. As for me, I'm a worrier. I can't help it. It just comes natural to me. I once heard a pastor say that is in a woman's nature to worry and that is why the man of the house must keep his thoughts together and why man is typically stronger, maybe that is true, maybe not.

Well, the thought occurred to me that we may not be able to keep our house and we may have to move into the the inlaws. Not sure how this is going to work with 6 kids and 2 adults living out on one bedroom but if it's God's will than we will deal with it but I don't believe that it is. This morning I got up early, something I usually do except that there are no kids here today. I left JT sleeping soundly in our bed and headed to the other end of the house where the kids bedrooms are. Good time to clean their rooms to my standards.

So I start putting G.I. Joe men and hot wheels in the toy box and it occurred to me that our kids deserve for us to do all we can to keep our house. Now we don't live in a huge community. Driving to Dallas is no longer an option and I won't have my Associates degree until January of next year so options for me a few. I decided while I was making the bed and getting ready to plug in the vacuum cleaner that if it meant working two jobs we were goign to stay in our house that we have worked so hard on. I mean if I have to work as a waitress and at the grocery store or gas station or warehouse or walmart, then that's what I am going to do.

Monday will start my major push in the job search arena and I am praying that God open doors so that we can stay in this house and I can count on a steady pay check. I pray that God bless my family and my husband. God has really been opening my eyes a lot lately to things I should have already known but feel as though I am seeing them for the first time.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Time For A Change?

Well I have complained and complained about my job and what is going on here. I come in this morning to find that they have cut my hours. It may not seem like a big deal to them to cut me to 37 hours but in my house it's a HUGE deal AND if things don't pick up then I will be cut to 30 hours next month.

I have an employee who was suppose to be temporary until things got slow but he is a personal friend of the big boss, so he is still here AND my boss just bought a new Porche. I'm headed out the door and I know it. I've been praying from a sign from God that's it's ok to move from here because of the money. Well now they have affected my money and I take this as a sign from God.

It's all I can do to sit here today and not tell him I'll save him the money by quitting. Ugh, talk about frustration.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Oh How I Wish For One Weekend Of Nothing But It's All Worth It

My life is very much busy. I almost feel like I never have time to relax. Today is Friday, JT's last day with the school district. At 5 I will drive the 2 hours to go pick up Alexis. Nick and Bry are already at our house for the weekend. It will then take us 2 hours to make it home at around 9pm at which time she will be exhausted and head right to bed. Then of course I get to do homework before going to bed.

In the morning we have to take 2 vehicles to my inlaws, drop off Bry and Nick, swap vehicles with Granny and head on a 4 hour drive to around Houston to pick up Joel, Jonathan and Jillian at which time we will be turing right around and heading back home. Of course by the time we get back, we will all be exhausted but I get to unpack kiddos and go buy groceries.

Sunday we have church and then I have to make the drive to take Alexis back home. Then on Monday I get to come to work, which I am not liking at the moment, and start my long week. I use to hate the weekends because I had nothing to do, of course this was before I was married. It took me 20 minutes to pick up Lexi verses the 2 hours it takes me now.

I look at my family and I remember that I am grateful my husband is a mechanic because we LIVE in the car it seems, I am grateful for the 2 hour drive where my daughter has no choice but to talk to her mommy about things that are going on and how she views the world, I am grateful for amazing inlaws who watch kids and let us trade vehicles for the day, I am grateful for understanding children and I am grateful that for the month of July we will have the entire 6 pack under 1 roof for longer than a weekend.

My life is total chaos most of the time but I love it.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I'll Admit It, I'm Jealous

sahm Pictures, Images and Photos

I'll admit that I am jealous of every woman, mom or not a mom, who has the ability to stay home and take care of her husband, family and/or children. I had this life once a very long time ago before the land of divorces and I loved it. Now this life seems like it is not an option due to my having to be a slave to the old paycheck and those good old bills that come due each and every month.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my husband doesn't pull his weight or that he wouldn't let me if it were an option but it's just not for me. I sit here at work, you know the job I've come to hate, doing nothing because it is so slow, thinking about all the things that I have waiting for me at home including the dishes, dinner, laundry, taking out the trash, etc.

I don't know maybe I was born to be a house wife and that is why I currently feel the way that I do about it or maybe it's just because I love my family so much. People say to cut down on our bills but they don't understand our situation either. We have 5 paid for vehicles: I drive 1, JT drives 1, 1 is in the process of being restored, 1 JT's brother drives when he blew the motor in his own car and 1 his grandma drives when she had to get rid of her car. We don't have credit card debt. Our toys are paid for but it's the regular bills and the fact that we pay so much in child support.

I would love to be room mother or PTA mom, to be able to always be there for our kids when they needed me, to attend all their school functions, to have my husband come home to a clean house and dinner waiting on him instead of him having to wait almost 2 hours for me to get home. I would love to not have to sit in traffic for over an hour each way 5 days a week or deal with the people I work with (except my admin ladies).

I would love to be able to shuffle kids to and from swim lessons, dentist appointments and have my husband never have to worry about anything.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately with everything that has been going on and I have been thinking of how to be able to stay home and still bring in an income. I have my cake hobby but I'm still a HUGE novice. I've made tutus and hair bows for our girls and my nieces but how many hair bows would one have to make to equate to the salary of a sales manager?

I am jealous that these women get to experience every moment while I am stuck behind a desk and only get to hear about the things that go on while I am here. Yes, I am jealous and only I can do something about it but instead of moving too quickly, I am relying on God to show me the direction.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Integrity Pictures, Images and Photos

I am at my wits end with my job. My large family means I can't operate like I am a person who has no family and no kids and just up and quit even though that is exactly what I want to. I have been in sales for most of my adult life and for a long time it was fun. I loved the thrill of the challenge, the close, the struggle. I loved being able to close someone even if it meant I wasn't totally honest in the process. All that mattered to me was closing the deal and reaping the benefits of the money that came along with it but things have changed.

A few years ago I started really taking accountability for myself, my words, my actions. It was the best worst thing I had ever done in my life and it took about 3.5 years to see the benefits of living honest but I like living like this. I like feeling good at the end of the day that I operated with integrity.

When I first started working here I loved it. I was good at it and I thought I was being honest. It wasn't until months into this job that I found out that what we do is a crap shoot. We lose most and win a few. Today has been the icing the cake. I got griped at for my employees out selling me yesterday, then I got in trouble for not selling a person who couldn't even make a half payment, next was when I tried to sell someone but couldn't for other reasons and got told I should have known that in the first 5 seconds of the call and then told a person we couldn't help them because of Federal Laws when my boss told him last night that we could.

This company does not operate with integrity, instead it operates with lies, greed and deceit. I am getting very tired of it and I am praying that God opens a door somewhere else for me so I can get out of this place.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


stop lying Pictures, Images and Photos

When I first started working where I do I was excited. I work for a consumer advocacy group that assists a certain demographic with problems. I have to watch what I say because I don't want to bash them since I still work here and I don't have a copy of my non-disclosure agreement so I'll have to generalize, sorry.

I am a Social Work major and I thought what better place to work while I finish my degree but as time continues to pass on, I find out that this is a gamble, a crap shoot and some of the other people I work with have no problem with lying to these people for a dollar.

I guess maybe it has to do with who I am or the fact that I am a Christian but it has really started to bother me more than anyone can imagine. I turn people away all the time and once my boss finds out, I will probably lose my job. I am so unhappy here. I know this job is no longer for me because I just can't stand the thought of kicking people while they are down.

When did it become moral or ethical to lie to people or cheat them out of their hard earned dollar and in most cases we deal with, they don't even have the money and end up borrowing it or not paying bills based on a hope and a gamble. I know they are the ones who made the decision but why is it okay to kick them some more?

It's even funnier because I have a boss who says we need to follow the golden rule "Treat others the way you want to be treated." Well I can tell you I don't want to be cheated out of money nor do I want to be kicked while I am already down.

Of course I am looking for another job but nothing has worked out as of yet. I am so frustrated. I can't stand coming in here every day but bills and family say that until I find something else, I am forced to be here until then.

I use to be good at lying, in fact it was an art, maybe that is how I ended up in sales but I am not that person anymore and I don't like what I do or how I have to do it. I can't stand liars.