I'll Admit It, I'm Jealous

I'll admit that I am jealous of every woman, mom or not a mom, who has the ability to stay home and take care of her husband, family and/or children. I had this life once a very long time ago before the land of divorces and I loved it. Now this life seems like it is not an option due to my having to be a slave to the old paycheck and those good old bills that come due each and every month.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying my husband doesn't pull his weight or that he wouldn't let me if it were an option but it's just not for me. I sit here at work, you know the job I've come to hate, doing nothing because it is so slow, thinking about all the things that I have waiting for me at home including the dishes, dinner, laundry, taking out the trash, etc.

I don't know maybe I was born to be a house wife and that is why I currently feel the way that I do about it or maybe it's just because I love my family so much. People say to cut down on our bills but they don't understand our situation either. We have 5 paid for vehicles: I drive 1, JT drives 1, 1 is in the process of being restored, 1 JT's brother drives when he blew the motor in his own car and 1 his grandma drives when she had to get rid of her car. We don't have credit card debt. Our toys are paid for but it's the regular bills and the fact that we pay so much in child support.

I would love to be room mother or PTA mom, to be able to always be there for our kids when they needed me, to attend all their school functions, to have my husband come home to a clean house and dinner waiting on him instead of him having to wait almost 2 hours for me to get home. I would love to not have to sit in traffic for over an hour each way 5 days a week or deal with the people I work with (except my admin ladies).

I would love to be able to shuffle kids to and from swim lessons, dentist appointments and have my husband never have to worry about anything.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately with everything that has been going on and I have been thinking of how to be able to stay home and still bring in an income. I have my cake hobby but I'm still a HUGE novice. I've made tutus and hair bows for our girls and my nieces but how many hair bows would one have to make to equate to the salary of a sales manager?

I am jealous that these women get to experience every moment while I am stuck behind a desk and only get to hear about the things that go on while I am here. Yes, I am jealous and only I can do something about it but instead of moving too quickly, I am relying on God to show me the direction.